New Year, New Me
I keep saying that: A New Year and a New Me. I've written this anywhere and everywhere, but the truth is, I changed a lot last year. I felt things I thought I wasn't capable of feeling and did things I thought I didn't have the courage to do so.
Also, who knew I could be vindictive as well? I didn't.
Last year, I met a few people, befriended them and was surprised to learn that their initial reaction toward me, wasn't their true opinion of me. It took some time for me to learn that those I thought were my friends did not respect me. Respect works both way. I showed them respect and they didn't. Sometimes it was easier to walk away, other times, I wouldn't go without a fight.
It was the latter that surprised me- I had changed! I wasn't about to let anyone disrespect me and cheat me. I'm not entirely proud of what I did, but I'm not sorry I stood up for myself either. That was one of the things I badly needed to do.
Further down the year, I learned a lot of things and met some new people. Were they true friends? Only time would tell. And it did. Another thing about friendship was that I was sharing opinions and giving the other person a chance to get to know me. What did the other person do? Nothing.
I'm not expecting a whole life history- but to think the other person didn't trust me enough to engage in a proper conversation, that was something that annoyed me. So yes, this person would never be the best of my friends and I do need people in my life that are more dependable than that- who respected and trusted me. After all, I had done both for them.
Moving on, last year also revealed something else about me- I was capable of jealousy.
This was something I did not expect. If anyone asked me what I was jealous of, I would wave it off and say- Nothing. Jealousy only came when I wanted something the other person had and so far I hadn't come across anyone who had made me want to feel the sharp piercings of envy.
I wanted something the other person had. I wanted the career success she was having, because I was and am tired of waiting to be found. She was found and she got what I wanted. I am happy for her, but honestly- I am jealous her wait is over and mine is still going on and on.
Apart from all that- all the betrayal I felt, the self-discovery and everything else, I also made a small sacrifice. Pain brings out either the best or the worst in people. I'm still figuring out what change that brought in me and whether or not the personal sacrifice I made was indeed worth making.
This year begins for me only on hope. I hope things will get better. I hope I make some nice friends who respect me. I hope I find some career success and I hope I get to discover the nice things in me as well. Everyone has something nice in them, right?
Hopefully this year will reveal my strengths :)
Also, who knew I could be vindictive as well? I didn't.
Last year, I met a few people, befriended them and was surprised to learn that their initial reaction toward me, wasn't their true opinion of me. It took some time for me to learn that those I thought were my friends did not respect me. Respect works both way. I showed them respect and they didn't. Sometimes it was easier to walk away, other times, I wouldn't go without a fight.
It was the latter that surprised me- I had changed! I wasn't about to let anyone disrespect me and cheat me. I'm not entirely proud of what I did, but I'm not sorry I stood up for myself either. That was one of the things I badly needed to do.
Further down the year, I learned a lot of things and met some new people. Were they true friends? Only time would tell. And it did. Another thing about friendship was that I was sharing opinions and giving the other person a chance to get to know me. What did the other person do? Nothing.
I'm not expecting a whole life history- but to think the other person didn't trust me enough to engage in a proper conversation, that was something that annoyed me. So yes, this person would never be the best of my friends and I do need people in my life that are more dependable than that- who respected and trusted me. After all, I had done both for them.
Moving on, last year also revealed something else about me- I was capable of jealousy.
This was something I did not expect. If anyone asked me what I was jealous of, I would wave it off and say- Nothing. Jealousy only came when I wanted something the other person had and so far I hadn't come across anyone who had made me want to feel the sharp piercings of envy.
I wanted something the other person had. I wanted the career success she was having, because I was and am tired of waiting to be found. She was found and she got what I wanted. I am happy for her, but honestly- I am jealous her wait is over and mine is still going on and on.
Apart from all that- all the betrayal I felt, the self-discovery and everything else, I also made a small sacrifice. Pain brings out either the best or the worst in people. I'm still figuring out what change that brought in me and whether or not the personal sacrifice I made was indeed worth making.
This year begins for me only on hope. I hope things will get better. I hope I make some nice friends who respect me. I hope I find some career success and I hope I get to discover the nice things in me as well. Everyone has something nice in them, right?
Hopefully this year will reveal my strengths :)
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